Thoughts On This Friday
To say the last month has been a whirlwind of emotions is an understatement. I'm sure anyone that has gone through something similar can attest to this.
What I did not expect was the immense outpouring of support and love I (we) have received. My partner created a Gofundme to help with expenses associated with a more holistic and integrative approach to my treatment, as like most things in the integrative and holistic realm - it's not covered by insurance and is completely out of pocket. Those that have so kindly donated to this - it is going to help me pay for post-surgery integrative treatment. It has also helped me to purchase some non-toxic cookware, a new juicer, and a PEMF mat that will all aid in my whole-body healing approach. I would not have been able to do all of this without the kindness of my family, friends, and even some strangers.
I also woke up this morning to a meal train. I have opted for a double mastectomy due to the large size of the lump in my right breast, making a lumpectomy not possible. So, I made the decision to remove both because I feel having one and not the other would be harder to process than just going flat. With that said, the surgery is more extensive and I'll be down a bit longer with a double.
People have offered meals, offered donations, offered support, thoughts, prayers, and so much more. I'm simply at a loss for words. As someone who isn't typically very emotional, I write these words with tears streaming down my face.
I've been through a lot in my lifetime and like to think I've overcome a lot...but through most of the hard, I had a little soul dog named Jasper beside me. Those who know me know I love animals, especially dogs, very very deeply. He quickly became my rock and my constant. I lost him in June of this year. My fellow dog lovers understand just how devastating losing a pet can be. Not a day goes by I don't miss him and he took a piece of my heart with him that day. This will be the first major hurdle with him not by my side. Before he passed I could tell his health was declining. I would tell him, please don't leave me, I don't think I can make it without you here. Two weeks before he passed I looked at him, told him that I loved him, and that I was strong enough now to make it on my own. I didn't want him to suffer or stay longer because I really believed he would as he too was a fighter- he was my soul dog. Two weeks later I held him in my arms as he took his last breath. My heart was broken. I regretted telling him I'd be ok and wanted nothing more to have him back even though I knew the right decision was made. There will never be another Jasper Jo.
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